Do It For The Plot

Love is a circle. Sometimes, the people you pour into won’t be the ones who pour back into you but the love always comes back around. – Jay Shetty

We’ve all screamed Drake’s “No New Friends” at the top of our lungs at some point and for good reason. People are imperfect, life gets messy, and relationships come with their share of bumps and bruises. Still, I hate that so many of us carry friendship traumas that make it harder to live fully and freely.

We were made to do life together. And no matter how “tough” someone acts, I genuinely believe most people have at least a small fear of doing it all alone… or worse, being the last one standing. That’s why, if there’s ever an apocalypse, I have zero desire to fight for survival. I’d rather be one of the folks who go out in the first round.

Back in my Bad Girls Club binge days, I used to get so emotionally distraught watching the lone wolf in the house get ganged up on. I knew deep down I wouldn’t even want to try and battle my way out of that.

Funny enough though, I kind of did survive a less dramatic version of that BGC nightmare.

Some of those friendship disappointments really stuck with me. I didn’t realize it until recently (cue healing girl era) that it was actually trauma…something I needed to process and work through.

I’ll never forget when a so-called friend told me, “You can’t keep friends; you always switch them out.” She said that to deflect from the fact that I had just found out she was leading a little (turns out it was quite large actually lol) smear campaign behind my back but somehow, that one untrue comment stuck. Btw, don’t waste your time trying to correct false narratives spread about you. The person that’s spreading them has their own bs they’re running from and all the people that believe them just aren’t your people. I truly believe God sets the record straight with whoever is supposed to be in your life so if God doesn’t then you know they weren’t meant to be around anyway. But it messed with me. Made me hold onto friendships that left me feeling unseen and unappreciated just to prove I could “stick it out.”

Look, nobody’s perfect. We all mess up. Grace and forgiveness matter. But you should never stay in relationships you’ve outgrown or ones that dim your light.

You know the ones:

• People who never support what matters to you, even in the simplest ways. (a missed text, call, comment, repost, etc..)
• Friends who minimize your wins
• Ones that try to invalidate your feelings with the classic, “You’re doing too much,” when they really know they aren’t doing enough

Yeah, that’s usually a mix of unspoken resentment, insecurity, and lowkey jealousy (sorry to sound like the aunties, but every time my mom or aunties warned me…they were spot on, 🙈).

People would literally tell me they noticed me dimming my light around certain friends… and I still stayed friends with them. Just out of fear of “running out of friends.”

But relationships like that shouldn’t be salvaged unless there’s real personal growth, accountability, and changed behavior. Some connections are only meant to last for a season. Outgrowing people doesn’t make you the villain.

If I’m in my woo-woo spiritual girl bag for a sec everything in life is seasonal, really. You just don’t know how many seasons you’ll have. So make ’em count, and when it’s time to let go, don’t fight the flow of life.
Okay, zipping my woo-woo bag back up now.

That’s the real problem with the “no new friends” mentality. If you’re truly living life, you’re going to evolve and your seasons will change. Holding onto what no longer serves you and staying closed off to new people or experiences only isolates you in the long run.

Take a second and reflect:
Over the past 5–10 years, how many milestones have you hit? New jobs, new schools, new cities?
And you’re telling me you haven’t met even one person you vibed with?

Not saying they had to be your ride-or-die, hide the body at 3AM bestie but maybe just someone cool to grab lunch with. Someone in a similar season of life as you.

If the answer’s no, maybe ask yourself:

• Am I spending time in places that no longer reflect who I am?
• Am I open and welcoming to new connections?

I know.
It’s scary putting yourself out there again.
I know that last friendship that went left really hurt.
And I know you don’t want to risk that happening again.

But do it anyway.

Showing up as yourself might mean being there for people who won’t always be there for you. But it also means you’ll find people who will be there when you need them even if you weren’t there for them in the past.

It’s not about tit for tat.
Don’t drain yourself in one-sided relationships but don’t shut yourself off either.

You haven’t met all the people that are going to love you yet.

What you sow into the world will come back to you.
So be who you were created to be and don’t let the hurt harden you.

Remember:
Some of the best stories are still unwritten so live boldly, embrace the unexpected, and make sure your life story is worth the MF plot.