Do It For The Plot

Like Who Likes You… Game-Winning Advice or Famous Last Words?

I’ve had COUNTLESS conversations with friends about dating who likes who, how do you know, and what the hell went wrong. I’m sure we all have. And honestly, I still barely understand half the “rules.”

I recently did a poll on IG asking people how they rate themselves and what ratings they have dated (or would date), just to get a general idea of what the people are thinking. The poll was anonymous, but I’m pretty sure the results were mostly from the girlies… the boys can be so shy when it’s time to interact, ya know 😒.

Anyways, I have some pretty confident friends real baddies so the average rating they gave themselves was a 9. Personally, I’d rate myself an 8 as of today. If I’m being honest in the past, I probably would’ve said a 7… but deep down, I actually believed I was a 6 insecurely saying I was a 7 for the public. I think that’s what Kevin Samuels meant when he said no 7s because you’re either not confident enough to call yourself an 8, or you’re in denial about being a 6 or below, so you pick the “safe” option.

The funny thing is, when asked about the lowest and highest rating they’ve dated (or would), most people answered between 5/6 and 8. I barely made it through research class, but this is my research, so I make the rules and I conclude that the standard deviation is within two points of whatever people consider themselves.

I’ve only had serious relationships with 8s. But in recent years, as my self-rating went up, I decided to give a few 6s a chance (me trying out the whole “good guy” thing)… but the B team yes, that’s my personal nickname for 6s..just wasn’t for me.

Now, I’m not saying good guys can’t be 8s or above. I absolutely believe they can and that they exist. It’s just that when I first started correcting my bad habits, I didn’t even know what a good guy looked like or where to find one. That’s how I ended up stumbling across a few B teamers, mistaking them for good guys. And maybe they are, or will be one day. But my experience with them? Lackluster, to say the least.

But what about those outliers?

We see mismatched couples all the time. That’s why it’s such a big celebration when two people who are actually a match find each other and work out. But why is it so hard for people to find and date their match?

Part of it could be the disproportionate ratio of eligible women to men. It leads a lot of women to settle out of fear of being chronically alone. Then they start breaking girl code, sacrificing friendships, getting treated terribly, and dating men who are well below what anyone would consider their “league.”

Meanwhile, this same imbalance has some guys out here shooting for the stars often way out of their weight class. That’s why I think it’s dangerous to tell people, “just like who likes you.”

I get the intention trying to help people stop chasing someone who’s clearly not that into them but omg, it used to freak me out when 5s and below tried to talk to me because of that advice. Even when my confidence was shaky, I knew I wasn’t in their league. But them shooting their shot made me second-guess myself… straight into a crash-out spiral.

The lack of self-awareness is a big factor, I fear.

Sometimes I wonder if we’d all benefit from a real-life episode of Black Mirror something that gave everyone an actual score based on conventional categories like physical attraction, personality, money, sex, etc. That way, people would know where they stood and where they should aim.

Honestly, it could save a lot of people from future heartache.

Because when people try to date too far above their ranking, it usually ends in burnout, resentment, and straight-up bitterness. Insert meme of the girl sitting on the curb, exhausted from fighting with her guy’s third side-chick of the week. Or insert 5 dudes around a mic bashing women on their podcast, famously known as the She-Man Woman Haters Club.

When you chase people who are way out of your reach, even if you manage to “get” them, you’re never on equal ground. You’ll always be the one compromising, sacrificing, and overextending yourself to keep it together. That’s why even if I had the chance to date someone I considered a 10. A genie in a bottle granted me a wish and Michael B. Jordan walked out of my dreams and chose me I’d immediately start preparing for my downfall. I already know I’d get lost in the sauce. So, even on a regular day, I wouldn’t be comfortable dating someone people widely consider a 10. And I’d be cautious with a 9… but if the circumstances made sense, I’d probably still go for that. LOL.

On the flip side, dating too far below your level is also dangerous especially from a woman’s perspective.

I’ve known a few guys who prefer dating below their level because they can easily dominate the relationship. The girls go for whatever they say. But to my girlie pops: don’t do that. EVER.

Some people think, “Oh, he’ll treat me like a queen and be grateful I even gave him a chance.” Negative, sweets.

I’ve seen it too many times even the few 6s I gave a chance tried to play in my face way more than any of the 8s I dated ever would. And that’s because once you give them a shot, I don’t know what happens exactly, but I do know it leads to disaster. Either they get the big head and start thinking they’re actually up there with you, or their insecurity kicks in and morphs into self-sabotage… and the urge to humble you.

And they won’t just break up with you or leave you alone. They’ll breadcrumb you, love bomb you, ghost you, and hate you out whatever order their ego requires.

I’ve been ghosted twice in my adult life both times by guys I wouldn’t have even noticed in a crowd. The urge to revert back to my “crash out” era was strong, but I resisted… because honestly, they were never worth it. lol.

If you ever find yourself in that unfortunate situation, just know: they always come back. When they realize what they fumbled, that’s your moment to play back in their face.…Unless you’re super mature. In that case, just block them so you don’t even tempt yourself.

So don’t just date who likes you. Date what you’re worth.

And in order to do that, you have to know your worth. That process looks different for everyone, and it takes time. Like I said, a few years ago, I was a self-proclaimed 7 but internally I was a 6. Now, with a lot more confidence I believe I’m a strong 8. Some might agree, some might rate me higher or lower but ultimately, that’s not my business.

I focus only on my own goals and preferences. When I look in the mirror and do a self assessment of my life, if I’m happy with what I see and know I’m putting in the work to improve where I’m not content… that’s it. I don’t engage with the rest anymore. Don’t lose focus worrying about all the stuff and opinions outside of that. What’s for you will never miss you if you’re confident enough to believe that and stay the course.

If you’re on the A team, don’t lose yourself in a crowd of B-teamers or worse. You shouldn’t even know where a C or below is. Literally shouldn’t even be on the radar.

What did Keke Palmer say?
“I hate to say it. I hope I don’t sound ridiculous but I don’t know who this man is. I mean, he could be walking down the street…I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t know a thing.”

And if you’re not on the A team, don’t get lost in the sauce and caught up in resentment trying to keep up with people out of your league. We’ve already got way too many bitter people on the mic.

Be real with yourself. Save the energy you’d expend chasing people and use it to level up. That way, when the time comes, you can date who you want and actually keep up without jealousy or insecurity creeping in.

All’s well that ends well.
And may the dating odds be ever in your favor.
If not, at least you made some funny stories along the way… right?

Remember some of the best stories are still unwritten so live boldly, embrace the unexpected, and make sure your life story is worth the MF plot!