Do It For The Plot

Story time!!! Sound the troops. LOL

So remember when I briefly mentioned that I flew a little too close to the sun that one time in Mexico and somehow ended up on the side of a road being searched by police with machine guns? Yeah… let’s get into that.

We have to go allllll the back to the start of this insane story. It began when my friends and I decided we needed a girl’s trip. It was a year after the pandemic, things were mostly open again, but we had this lingering need for a group getaway to reset from the chaos of the past year. Plus, I was approaching graduation from OT school and was ready to kick off the celebration season.

Next on the to- do list was coordinating our schedules and picking a location. At the time, Tulum was becoming a hot spot so obviously, that was the winning destination. We had a few of those stimi checks, our Airbnb was reality TV star bougie (my DREAM), the looks were packed, and the trip pre-glam maintenance was complete. The girl’s trip was finally making it out of the group chat.

The flight there was pretty uneventful, besides one friend having to fly to another state for a same-day passport and another almost missing her flight. But that’s pretty normal chaos for our group we can be a pretty eventful bunch of girls.

Now here’s where the real adventure began.

We landed and had prepared transportation. Our amazing Airbnb? Very low-key and ducked off in the most elusive area… right next to the hood. Very much ATL vibes. Our driver took an extra 30 minutes just to find the place. After the first 10 minutes, I could literally hear my mom’s voice in my head screaming that this was all probably a scam, and the driver was just pretending to be lost while driving us straight into a sex trafficking ring. Good thing she was wrong. HA!

We eventually made it, and the house was perfect. IG-worthy in every way. We spared no expense… my group rarely does. Of course, we had private chefs at the house, massages…the works. (No “please put your towels in the sink when done” type of Airbnb. I despise those.)

The problems started when we stepped outside the house.

First off, taxis were insanely expensive even though everything was on the same dirt road. One top of that, we had multiple things planned, day and night for every day, so the damage from that ran up quickly. Then we rented a lavish beach cabana because duh, that’s who we are.

By this point, the girl boss energy was being tested overtime. That’s when some of us remembered one very important fact: being pretty is expensive, but it can also pay.

Here’s where the vibes got mixed up. Half of the group was still committed to Eat, Pray, Love and the other half was gearing up for PCB Spring Break Reloaded. Regardless we ended up attracting two different sets of guys. One group was our age and decently attractive but quickly deemed below our desired tax bracket… so they were thrown back into the wild. We literally ghosted them as they were walking outside trying to find our Airbnb one night. Savage?, yea..sorry to those boys.

The second group of guys ? Slightly older. Established… Heavy Hitters and they made it very known. Winner,Winner.

We played it cute and very demure until the last night. By then, we were all over budget and exhausted. Staying true to me, of course I had fallen during the ATV and hiking excursion. We’d been drinking from sun up to sun down and were just done. But it was the last night, so we had to make the most of it.

After dinner, we ended up hanging out with the heavy hitters. It was actually a great time. They treated us like we were the literal Sun, Moon, and Stars – as if they’d just regained sight and were laying eyes on the prettiest girls they’d ever seen.

BUT. Apparently, they’d been hanging out with some Miami-Dade County girls before meeting us… and those girls did not appreciate being bumped to second position.

When it came time to head home, the guys offered us a ride since their Airbnb was conveniently next door to ours, Remember how I said the taxi prices were beating our asses?.. Of course we said yes. However, this left the Miami girls on the sidewalk. Even though the guys offered to pay for their taxi, it created some THICK tension.

On the way to the house, the scariest shit of my life happened… I was already on high alert because one of the Miami girls was ready to throw hands like literal “boot-up” style and I was one of the Eat, Pray, Love girlies. I wasn’t expecting this, but I was willing to adjust to whatever the group decided.

Trigger warning: LIGHTS. SIRENS. GUNS

The Mexican police can be corrupt. No shocker, but we hadn’t run into them yet because they don’t really mess with the taxis. However, since we were in a personal car? GAME ON. They were extorting us for cash, but one of the heavy hitters was too busy mansplaining how he wasn’t going to buy into it.

Meanwhile, the guy next to me in the back seat was super wasted, bragging about selling crypto and cocaine, literally making it rain like this was Nelly’s Tip Drill video. So, of course, the police weren’t letting us go without payment. They then proceeded to force me and our friend out of the car.

She had bought a little weed from a local earlier and tried to throw it out, but the police saw her. This led to a very close up and personal search. Flashlights, guns, and everything. She literally had to hide the rest of the weed up her PUSS! To this day, I still don’t know how she pulled that off so fast.

By the time they finished with us, my nerves were shot. I was ready to GET TF… ASAP.. I literally tried to start walking back to the Airbnb…in heels, on a dirt road, wearing shorts that barely existed because my thighs had swallowed them whole. Not to mention I was drunk AF,I looked like I could be rented by the hour.

My friend and I got into a screaming match with her insisting I get back in the car. She won thankfully. I was still mad at the guys for getting us into that mess in the first place, so I decided to pocket some of the money Mr. Crypto-Cocaine had thrown. He was so drunk, I knew he wouldn’t remember.

We actually got pulled over again minutes later, but they paid up much quicker that time. Finally, we made it back to their house.

Whew sahhh.

But wait, guess who was there? The Miami girls. And very much still agitated.

To make it worse, one of them was venting about getting her luxury sandals dirty, and my friend said, “So what? They’re not that expensive. Just buy another pair.” She meant well, but her delivery… yeah, no.

So now, boom. FIGHT NIGHT: ROUND 2. Before my heart rate could even fully recover from the last trauma.

The guys thankfully stepped in before things escalated to oblivion and made the Miami girls leave. At some point, we made it back to our house—just before sunrise.

The next day, we packed up and I said goodbye maybe forever to Tulum. Mexico’s very own version of ATL.

As we were waiting to board our flight, I finally started to relax. That is… until we saw the Miami girls AND the heavy hitters at the airport. I was freaking out. What if Mr. Crypto-Cocaine remembered he was throwing money the night before and realized some was missing? I mean… it was compensation for my pain and suffering, but still.

Luckily, he didn’t notice or at least he didn’t say anything and the Miami girls accepted defeat and pretended not to see us.

Once we got back to the States, I was able to pay for a few nail days with designs and all using my “emotional damage” money. Thanks mister.

I came home with unforgettable memories, a few bruises, and a group chat full of inside jokes that’ll never die. But, since this isn’t a book, I can only share so much, ya know?

And that, my loves, concludes our girl’s trip to Mexico. Another trip is already on the books – stay tuned for the chaos to come.

Remember some of the best stories are still unwritten so live boldly, embrace the unexpected, and make sure your life story is worth the MF plot!

SMOOCHES!