Do It For The Plot

I’ve mentioned a few times now how my mindset has been shifting and evolving over the last few years. I used to be the 0 to 1000 at the slightest inconvenience type of girlie. A lot of that came from childhood. My parents did an AMAZING job raising me to believe the world was mine. Literally.

I still have a clear memory of my dad cursing out our neighborhood Arby’s entire staff once because they ran out of fries and I wanted some. Then there was my mom and I’s favorite hobby… shopping (still is, honestly). When people asked what I liked to play or do as a kid, I’d say: going out to eat and shopping with my mom. They would look at me crazy or laugh but that legit was our weekly routine plus a biweekly hair appointment. I guess they were expecting me to say swinging or playing outside like other children but those things never crossed my mind because it really wasn’t on my radar. (Not much has changed. I’m still just a girl at the end of the day and if you’ve met my mom then you get it. We literally play tug a war now over our hairstylist’s availability. She usually wins because she’s the favorite of course. LOL)

Looking back, I think my parents overcompensated because they knew how hard the outside world would try to tear me down as a Black woman. How it would try to convince me I was asking for too much or worse, that I didn’t deserve any of it. So I’m thankful. Before I had the confidence to believe in myself, their love and pride in me carried me. For years. It was the foundation of my “fake it ‘til you make it,” honestly.

But, as always life happens. And even though that transition into adulthood was tough, I’m forever grateful for the years I got to spend in fantasy land thanks to my parents. (The real world realities are rough regardless so why not spare kids within reason for as long as you can if you’ve been blessed with the means to do so? I’ll never understand those people that don’t believe in telling children about Santa Claus because of that fact. That’s so sad and unfortunate to me.) Anyways, I eventually realized I couldn’t keep reacting like it was the end of the world every time something didn’t go my way. That was devastating and exhausting to say the least.

Granted, I’m still not perfect. Still very much a work in progress. And yes, sometimes I do forget everything I’m about to share and spiral when I feel the need. (I slipped up twice just this July.) But those reactions are milder and less frequent now. So that’s growth. A win is a win.

So what helped me?

A lot of self-help books like The Alchemist and The Four Agreements. A few documentaries. And the uncomfortable realization that I have a tendency to intellectualize my feelings instead of actually processing or feeling them. I bottle things up and try to rationalize my way through. Spoiler: it’s not healthy or sustainable.

That discovery helped me understand why traditional talk therapy doesn’t really work for me. Somatic therapy has been recommended, but I haven’t found anyone locally yet and sometimes it’s just not in the budget. In the meantime, between that and my spiritual life, I found the tools in Stutz super helpful.

Stutz – A Netflix Documentary That Feels Like a Therapy Session

If you haven’t seen it, Stutz is a documentary created by Jonah Hill where he sits down with his therapist, Dr. Phil Stutz. Together, they explore tools that are simple but powerful and that help people get unstuck.

The concepts sound a little woo-woo at first (hence the title of this post), but once he explains them? They hit.

Here’s a quick overview.

🖤 The Shadow

This is the part of you that holds shame, insecurity, and old pain. It’s the version of you that you try to hide. Healing begins when you stop running from it and start seeing it as part of you. It’s not a flaw. At one point in life, it helped you survive and it’s ok to honor that fact while also acknowledging it’s no longer a tool you necessarily need anymore.

🔗 The String of Pearls

Every action you take is a pearl, big or small. The goal isn’t to be perfect, it’s just to keep adding pearls.

There’s a powerful analogy he shares: pearls are actually formed when clams or oysters get debris stuck inside them. The pearl is their defense response. They’re actually layers of protection built over time in an attempt to cover the irritation.

So yeah… we have to clean off the debris before we get the beautiful necklace that’s so highly sought after.

Be prepared to take notes when you watch. I can only summarize so much!

Progress = consistency, not perfection.

🌱 The Life Force

This is your inner energy. It has 3 layers:

• Your body (nutrition, movement, being in nature)

• Your relationships (spending time with others)

• Your relationship with yourself (purpose, creativity, stillness, spirituality)

When you nurture all three, you feel stronger, clearer, and more grounded. It’s how I maintain my peace and happiness regardless of circumstance.

These practices are called exactly that because you won’t always feel like you’re doing them “right.” And that’s okay. That’s exactly where the Shadow, the Pearls, and the Life Force come together:

You acknowledge your flaws,

You take action anyway,

And you take care of yourself along the way.

It’s helped me a lot… even if I’m still figuring it out. And if it helps you too, I’m glad I shared.

Remember: some of the best stories are still unwritten so live boldly, embrace the unexpected, and make sure your life story is worth the MF plot!