Do It For The Plot

“She wasn’t crazy when you met her. She was a sweet girl. You made her crazy.” – A Thin Line Between Love and Hate

Crash Out. Crash Dummy. Bird. Crazy…

There are a million ways people describe girls who go off the deep end. I’m not ashamed to admit I’ve had a couple of crashes here and there… (I mean, haven’t we all?) Okay maybe I’m a little ashamed, lol. But for the purpose of the plot, I’ll share my story.

A few years back, I was definitely on the extreme end of the spectrum and honestly, I was a bit proud of it. One of my homeboys once said he heard it was “strict” around my way, and that was one of my favorite compliments for years. He didn’t even mean it as a compliment. Ha. Guys love throwing reverse Uno cards the moment a girl starts acting out, but they never talk about what he did to get her there. Usually a mix of lies, cheating, gaslighting… you know how it goes.

Some girls were so afraid of being called crazy, they just chose to meekly accept the misbehavior instead. But me and most of my homegirls? We never fell for that propaganda. If I felt like you were playing in my face, I believed it was only natural to embarrass you to the best of my ability since that’s clearly what you were trying to do to me. Michelle Obama’s “When they go low, we go high” was nowhere in the vicinity.

I still struggle with that sometimes. But I’ve gotten much better over the years.

Like I said, I’ve had a few crashes. All justifiable, in my opinion even if some might disagree. Let’s see…

There was the time I pulled up to my on-and-off boyfriend’s friend’s birthday dinner and iced him out so bad the entire table was uncomfortable. That led to a full-blown confrontation in front of everyone, right outside some Cheesecake Factory-type restaurant. Drake said it best, didn’t he? Lol.

Then there was the time I pulled up to his house while another girl was inside…cue massive confrontation in a quiet, suburban neighborhood. His mom had to come to the house to diffuse it.

Oh! And I was recently reminded of the time I ruined Thanksgiving for an ex. We were friends first, and he had spent years convincing me to give him a serious chance. Then he fumbled, badly. Terrible communicator. So, of course, I pulled up to his family’s Thanksgiving dinner. I didn’t cause a scene, but the tension was thick. My friend/little cousin was also dating his brother at the time, sooo double awkward.

Dinner was cut short, and he spent the rest of the holiday in timeout. Alone. In his room.

This is the abridged version of some of my crashouts. I’d honestly need hours of a podcast or a short book to tell the full stories. (We’ll work on that) And yes, it’s a little embarrassing looking back at how outrageous I could be. What’s wild is none of those relationships ended after those blowups. And these guys weren’t even having sex with me. So, I truly don’t know why they kept dealing with me… or why I kept dealing with them. Maybe it was true love? 😂

Ultimately, we did break up for good in each case. But we’re still cool. I don’t think we’ll be spinning the block like Nelly and Ashanti, though.

All that to say I’m a retired crashout. Well… maybe PRN. Available when needed. If an extreme situation arises, I can’t promise I won’t match the disrespect with extreme behavior so I truly understand why the girlies sometimes feel the need to take it there.

Being lied to and disrespected especially when you showed up with your best after being sought out when you weren’t even looking feels like the ultimate egg on your face. I’ve supported my friends through their crashouts, and they’ve supported me through mine. (I do have hard limits, though: I never call men “bitches,” never hit them, and never destroy property. I’ve always leaned towards luxe, and so do the men I dates so it’s always been, “Don’t mess with my stuff, and I won’t mess with yours.”)

Now, a friend’s ex once accused us of messing with his car, but you know how irrational guys get when they realize their manipulation no longer works. Like, bffr. If I wouldn’t vandalize a luxury car, what makes you think I’d waste time damaging a typical Sweet 16 gift? Not my style.

Also why do guys always come for the best friend when things go left? One of my exes literally tried to fight my friend once while we were all hanging out. He had to be pulled back after flipping the table we were sitting at. He was drunk, but we were already broken up, so it was both inappropriate and so random.

Needless to say I don’t understand why men put so much effort into pursuing women only to fumble the bag once they get a chance. Cue Trina: “When I gave you the chance to hit that stage… you should’ve hit that stage.”

And I don’t get why men complain about crashout behavior and then stay. It’s like how girls go through their “bad boy” or “hood dude” phase….guys go through a “crashout” phase. Maybe deep down, they know their actions triggered some of those reactions. But honestly? I think they’re addicted to the drama. The unpredictability. The excitement of it all.

They like a little edge. Proven facts.

Still, as much as I understand how the disrespect cues the crash, I don’t get why we don’t just leave. Instead, we enter this toxic cycle of crash → rebuild → repeat. And it’s so unproductive.

Also let’s be real, guys quake way more when you go silent and show zero attachment. Even if you have to fake it at first. They always come crawling back, on some Ray J “One Wish” type of time. That’s just some big sis/homegirl advice.

All in all, if you feel the need to beat them at their own game. I’m all here for humbling the boys. I get it. But if you’re over the games and want something of quality then just block them and live your life. Don’t fall for those lies that there aren’t that many guys left. If the 600 pound TLC Queenies can keep a man while being limited to frying chicken in the bed because their legs can’t adequately sustain their weight honey pop you’ll definitely be able to get another guy. They’re literally EVERYWHERE. So you pick. Either way—it all contributes to the plot, right?

Remember some of the best stories are still unwritten so live boldly, embrace the unexpected, and make sure your life story is worth the MF plot!